Yesterday morning as the sun was rising, Jason and I sat out on the balcony and read from the book of Job. We couldn’t help it; the expanse of the sea reminded us of God’s majesty and endless beauty. The last chapters of the book describe in vivid detail how He created all things, knows where everything resides, cares for all, commands all… all of nature obeys Him.
In the final chapter Job expresses his understanding of these things, ‘I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees you’ (chap 42). Though Job experienced much more loss and heartache than I can comprehend (as he lost nearly everything he had, including his children), I would echo his words regarding what we’ve been through, and continue to endure, with Sydney. I HAVE SEEN YOU.
I have a very difficult time loosening my grip on my kids. I can’t control their every move, their ultimate safety… or my recent realization: their bodies. I have no say and no vote for what my little girl’s body is doing, even as I write this. I can’t bump up the level of nutrients she takes in, make sure she gets more rest, or even strap her to a chair to keep her safe. Her body is running its course, and it obeys only one voice: the voice of the One who created it.
I love Sydney Jane so much it makes me ache… but I know God loves her even more. He made her, for goodness’ sakes! And during this whole process, I’ve been reminded of how much He loves me, too. He has very obviously carried us with His word, His promises, and people who love us. Sydney will most likely pull through this, and all glory is due my Lord because of that. But in the midst of all the doctor visits, needles, treatment, hospital stay, and all the uncertainty… I knew I would give Him glory despite the outcome, because I KNOW He loves us. I have an extremely limited view of this life and all it entails, but He is very aware and He is sovereign.
I will praise you, Lord, through good and bad. I have seen You.